i dont know ho to express deep feeling, its such a nightmare, real nightmare like i've had last 2009. okay seems like god punish me for many times, by always swearing or something. This feeling starts about after i got back from Kuala Lumpur, and also when i was in KL. i dont know why everytime i need you to be my first one which i shared my stories. hem i feel much comfortable to talk to you than talk to anyone else. nothing special from you, just an ordinary person same like me...not rich, not really good looking, or smart. but you got something that any friends of mine doesnt have.
i feel comfortable to talk to you, and to share everything to you....its getting better and better and better. i cant forgot all of my problems, i just need you to be there sitting behind your pc, and read my stories.... god am i abnormal person? god am i wrong to having such a good friend like him? why everybody seems love to talked about me and him? is there any problems with us? hell!!!! this is the second time, but its better than the first time, the first one is so busy with their life and forgot me when they got their new hobbies or friends. will he do the same like the others? okay god actually you know i had sworn that i didnt want to have any friends that deeply stay in my heart except my Chalendryx and Lexcious. and now you finally punish me by let me know him quite well, and he know me very well, cause i've tell him every single thing! God help me why its going to be more than like before, im not saying im gay by love him! but i love him in different way! hey he knows everything about me, he care much about me! even my mom given him a trust....
she always asked me whenever im going to somewhere with my highschool friend, "is he coming with you?" i always say yes mom he's going to come to, but the fact he dont..... my cousins also like him when i tell them how's his manner, and how's his life in the school, i always said that he is a good one, his smart, and i learned much from him. he also always asked me everytime i looked different than usual. I do believe that he would be my BFF, but sometimes i dont like him when he's too over or something. i do care about him too, i want he to understand that sometimes i have to be such a bad person by angry to him. it because i dont want him get sicks or something. He's on my A list like my sisters&brothers and you! every night if i cant sleep i always turn on my MSN and if he's there im not going to sleep...cause many things to shared, but why he never told me anything? sometimes i feel like what is the function of me here? okay for love i dont really want to care, because i oftenly get hurts when everybody talked about love to me, come on dude just enjoy your life by not talking about love.......i know the risk of this, the first one is usually i get: my friend left me bacause i dont want to talk about love. i have kinda traumatic lovelife, and i wont to be in a relationship with anybody until i found the right one, butttt i would really angry if one of my best friends doesnt tell me the real situation....
im sorry if you guys dont like this post, and sorry if you read it and you figured out that it was you, i just wanna throw all my bad feelings yesterday.....and im ready if youre going to leave me because of this post........icha is right to called me that im addicted to his caring, and i feel comfortable with him, and like she said there's nothing wrong with it.....i know it sounds weird, but why you guys gave to be my haters because of this things, while my family support me to having so much friends, im not going to trapped him and make he fell in love with me, i just wanted to be always there beside him when he needs me like what i did to my Chalendryx, Lexcious or whoever!!!!! he treats me well, so i have to treat him well too isnt it right? so dont be such a badass by gossiping me and my life. yes i'm in love with him but not more than a friend, and i do love my Chalendryx and Lexcious in the same way!!!! no ones can take my heart so deeply cause ive closed it until whenever the time comes
Jujur aja kalo kayak gini rasanya pengen balik ke 77, sama sekali gak kenal lo dan gue juga gak tau siapa lo....yang gue tau cuma pelajaran dan tryout di depan mata gue dan selalu berhubungan baik dengan sahabat2 gue yang lain...gue gak bilang gue menyesal kenal lo, gue bersyukur malah masih bisa dikenalin sama orang yang bener2 peduli sama gue apa adanya tanpa ada iming2 apapun kayak yang sebelum2nya. gue bisa ngertiin lo, dan lo juga bisa ngertiin gue bukan bisa aja, bisa banget, lo bener2 satu2nya orang yang bisa bikin gue tenang, gak kayak yg lain yg rata2 cuma memperkeruh suasana, intinya dari postingan ini gue cuma takut lo ngilang dan lo lupa sama gue dan lo bener2 lost contact sama gue dan yang paling gue takut lo udah gak sejalan lagi sama gue dalam banyak hal.... i know people change, but please dont ever change your nice things, nice words, and nice attitude to me,,,, cemassss khawatirrr itu wajar kalo gue rasain ke dia, karena gue aja sampe sekarang masih selalu nanyain keadaan sahabat2 gue kalo ada waktu, jadi dear haters stop ngomongin gue dan membuat gue semakin takut kalo misalnya dia pergi dan akhirnya gue sendiri dan harus adaptasi lagi,
when you guys chat with me please avoid this words:
-maksa ketawa dengan kata2 "haha" atau "wkwk" kalo cuma sepasang gitu gue ngerasa ada yang aneh dari kalian jadi mending gausah sok ketawa padahal dibalik pc kalian udah sebel sm gue
-kalo mau pake kata lebih baik "coy" drpd "cuy"
-kalo udah males gak usah pake kata "elah/ahelah" mending off sana sekalian
-kalo mau nulis "slow" tulisnya jangan "selo" mending woles ata selaw its better dan gabikin gue bete
-kalo udah gak mau chat setidaknya bilang "off" biar gue gak nungguin kaya orang dongo...
maaf kalo nyindir siapapun yang baca, gue cuma mau share kesusahan hati gue dari seminggu yang lalu karena perubahan pada diri seseorang yg gue rasakan, bye
ps: please understand this kind of condition i need a solution from this anxiety problem T_T